I have some awesome followers that have reached out to me lately. It shocked me that people that started reading years ago stuck through me going MIA multiple times. Not only did some of these people stick around, they shared so much love and support regarding my recent posts. Some of the e-mails or messages I've received have been hard to respond to, but also gave me a lot to think about.
One e-mail asked all the questions everyone combined has asked. I asked if I could use the e-mail for a blog post. I felt like it would be a good way to clear the air about what I'm comfortable able sharing. So this is part of the e-mail.
I wish that I had responded in a way that would allow me to just screenshot it. However, I appreciate people being open with me and in return I'll be open in order to help someone in a situation they're in. I'm responding publicly, because maybe this will clear a few things up..
Were there signs that I ignored? Yes and no. That's hard to answer. Were there things that I forgave and things I let go when I never should of? Absolutely. 100%. Did I ever know the truth? I don't think I ever knew the truth. That hurts. It sucks. I was told by this person that there were specific (very serious) situations/issues that I was never told the truth about so I wouldn't judge him.. Makes me sick to my stomach.
Would I do anything differently? No. I gave all of me. In the end, I ended up with life changing factors. I ended up being played. I was made to be that dumb girl. I was the one that was completely screwed over. I was the only one hurt. Would I ever want to repeat any of this? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I can't change it and I would never want to take back what I've gained. I'm so grateful. I'm looking forward to all the things that will be happening in my life. I'm grateful to be out of a controlling and extremely unhealthy situation.
I feel like I'm always asked about my ex that I dated for 3 years. Yes, we're on good terms. We have been. He'd stop by a lot before I started dating my previous ex. We kept in contact after, but always respected each other's relationships.
I remember a few months back talking about our current relationships and whatever.. And we talked about the past. So the difference between that relationship and the previous one.. That relationship, we were both in it 100%, however we were young. I was 18 when we met and 21 when things ended. He's like 2-3 years older than me. We tried, the timing sucked.. I will always love and appreciate every single memory we had together!
I have no ill feelings towards him and know that I can count on him. He's not a bad person. He's a wonderful person. I'll always be happy for any happiness he finds. So I guess that's the difference when it comes to him and my previous ex. With my previous ex, I know for a fact that regardless of all the life plans we had and all the hell I went through and continue to go through.. I'll never speak a single word to him. I'm also very much content with this.
My advice? When things start to not add up, stay strong. Don't allow someone to make you feel worthless. Don't let someone hurt you so bad over and over. Don't allow someone to control your entire life. Don't let someone use you. Don't allow someone to convince you that their screw ups and slip ups are because of you. They might convince everyone in the world that you're to blame, let them. You know the truth. Don't allow yourself to fight against someone that's willing to do awful things in order to take you down and hurt you. You might convince yourself that they're acting out of character. They also might convince you of that. Do not allow yourself to be be the last to know that they're truly just acting like the person they truly are.
If you don't know the truth at the time, you will discover it. Eventually. It will hurt like hell. I promise. You will wish that you would of walked away. Remember that wishing can not change a damn thing about it. Do what you need to do for yourself. You can go on a million dates, it's not going to help in the long run. Focus on you. You deserve to be selfish. Being selfish seems impossible after being controlled. It's possible.
I knew that I needed to really step up in the adult life. I know that I can't brush off these life changes and that I have to do everything I can to make myself proud. I ended this quarter of school with a 4.0 and I literally cried when I saw that I was able to put my future before all of my stress and hurt.
I promise that it's possible. And for anyone that is reading this and is needing someone to be there for them, don't ever hesitate to contact me via e-mail.
I appreciate all of you that have been here for me. I feel so happy and excited about all that I have going on in my life and I hope to be able to share more about that soon! I'm still considering making this private before I share.